Do you ever feel broken but unwilling to show it? Not because others will see your weakness but simply because you think your broken places, your hardships aren’t as bad as others around you so you choose to keep the hurt hidden? You see other people having “real problems” dealing with life changing events and don’t want to be whiny or sound ungrateful for just how good you have it, so you stay silent. I can almost hear the heads nodding. We hear the call to “be more vulnerable” “open up” and even praise others when they get “real.” When they share their hard stuff it almost always finds a home, someone who relates and thinks to themselves “I’m not the only one.” This is a post I started to write last week and quite honestly have written over and over hundreds of times in my head then deleted from my memory because I didn’t want it to hurt anyone, ruffle any feathers or cause hardship. So I’ve just carried it. But, with a knot in my stomach, today I put the words to paper.
A week ago I was driving to work. It’s an hour drive to the hospital, the perfect amount of time to listen to a podcast and spend time alone with my thoughts. The podcast I chose that day was Ed Mylett’s interview with Andre Ward. If you don’t know who Andre Ward is (it’s ok I didn’t either) he’s a boxer, an undefeated, retired boxer who’s also a believer and a family man to be more precise. During his interesting interview he said something that made me rewind 30 seconds and listen again. Andre said, “a made up mind is a hard thing to break.” After listening the second time I was like, yes! YES, it is!
As I drove, I thought about a few areas in my life that I do not question, areas I absolutely know where I stand. I thought about my goals and dreams and also just the world around me that often seems wishy washy and weak. This phrase, quote, statement whatever you want to call it raced my mind through a rush of thoughts and over the course of a few days it went from something I wanted to post on instagram to something I actually wanted to discuss.
The first thing that came to mind was God. My faith and belief in God is hard to break because my mind is definitely made up. Even though I’m still growing, developing and refining the intricacies of my beliefs, at the core it’s a done deal. I know what I believe, I’ve had things happen in my life that can not be explained without God. I know! I imagined someone questioning me, challenging my beliefs. My mind is made up, it would in fact be a hard thing to break.
Naturally my mind moved to goals and dreams. My first thoughts were flashes back to my late teenage years when I started catching my stride. Those years were exciting because awkward and not really cool in any sense of the word, I was still able to, at least in my eyes, greatly achieve. I really didn’t think anything could get in the way of what I wanted. I wasn’t just a dreamer, I was also a believer and a doer. I truly believed I could do whatever I put my mind to and I never understood people who thought differently.
Still driving, thoughts still racing, quickly the reel playing in my head transitioned to my current situation and the dreams on my heart which I might add, are not separate from God and faith. Blogging, helping the average person figure out nutrition, teaching people to be accountable for their health and take back control of how their bodies function are things I am passionately called to. I’ve been in the midst of figuring out the whole thing, just letting God lead me and trying to, on the daily, stomp out the fears before the fears overtake me. I’m considering this the phase of “almost.” The phase of finding joy in a journey where my dreams goals and hopes that haven’t yet came full circle. I started wondering. Has my mind been holding me back? Have I been in an almost phase for so long because as Andre said, “my mind isn’t made up?” I honestly feel like I’ve been really “going for it” so to speak but have I really, honestly laid it all on the line? 
“A made up mind is a hard thing to break.” This one statement made me face a reality that is difficult to put into words because more than anything it’s a feeling and vision inside me so I’ll do my best to describe it. Imagine, something in your life you stand strong on, an area where your mind is made up. Like faith, my belief in God. My description of that was short. It’s absolute. It’s there without much to say because there aren’t subjectives to apply. Since my mind is in fact made up I don’t feel the pressure to rationalize it to you or make you understand. On the other hand when I move to my goals and dreams I feel like I need to add qualifiers. I need to explain myself because even though my mind is made up and I’m not changing it, I’ve allowed what others may think to make me question my made up mind just enough that I won’t fully share it. That fire inside me is smothering because I’m not opening the window giving it oxygen it needs to take off and really burn.
I know, I know I’m not supposed to worry about what others think. But what if those others you are worried about are your family? What if every time you bring up what you do, it elicits zero response? What if you are spending day in day out pouring your heart into something you are truly passionate about without the support of the people that raised you? This is what I worry about and wish for, this is my hurdle.
I’ve held this in for a long time for several reasons. I’ve grown up over the last few years significantly. I’m not mad or upset. I don’t want to have to respond to a single comment that says anything bad about the people I love. I don’t want people to take a side or feel sorry for me. I love and appreciate every single person in my family and am grateful for every single thing they sacrificed to raise me. They are good people which is just another reason the sting is so great. Additionally, in the scheme of things this isn’t a big deal, I have a really good life. I don’t like to complain or whine when there are people around me dealing with real hardship. Deciding to share this was not easy, truthfully, I’m still unsure. But I think I need to put this out into the world for me, in order to move past it. If I keep it bundled up it keeps me from moving forward and letting go. I believe I will continue to hold back based on what others may or may not think until the fear is openly acknowledged. Furthermore, I hear people who’ve made it ‘to the top’ openly acknowledge all the hardships and hurdles they faced on their journey. But when I look at all the people in the middle, my peers, all I see is a bunch of smiling faces. I don’t see anyone sharing just how hard things can get. I think when we’ve yet to get to the proverbial “there” we are moving toward, we think showing a weak link, a hardship may crush us. Because who wants to follow someone isn’t winning at every angle? Maybe I’m out of order here but I’m going to show you bits of my battles and bruises even though I’m not a household name.
Recently I heard that fear is a form of mental idolatry, talk about a slap to reality. I’m now doing everything I can to squash it. Even if that means hanging those fears out on the line just like dirty laundry for all to see. We are all given hurdles and hardships, things that we alone have a hard time getting past. Without this hardship I don’t think I’d be so humbled and reliant on God. This is my sunshine my silver lining, my point of gratitude. I really in my heart of hearts have realized recently this hurdle has been there to help me know I can’t do it alone. I need God.
Guys I really want you to go deep on that statement: “a made up mind is a hard thing to break.” Where is your mind unbreakable? Where is it easily broken down? What are the dreams you keep deep in your heart and if you aren’t sharing them, if you are being held back, I want you to consider why. Andre Ward shared this statement right after a rundown of how he mentally prepared just before a fight. He’s undefeated because he was more than physically prepared, he was mentally strong. Once he made up his mind he didn’t allow others to come in and change it. Nor was he thinking about how he needed to justify and rationalize his made up mind to someone else. I hope taking you through these thoughts of mine, even though they are hard to share, will allow you to stand stronger than ever for the purpose which you were designed, find gratitude and good within your hurdle and give you the gumption to go for it. Whatever “it” may be.
Blessings,
Rita
Rita- So true! As you continue to grow and get older, you will see while you love your family and are a part of them, you are You! You go boldly for your dreams, don’t hold yourself back for what others might think, especially family. They might not be seeing what you are capable of because they have a fixed mind of who you are and what you can achieve. But you have that deep desire and God’s nudge to follow your dreams. Your family will see and will be so proud of you!! Love you Girl!!
Kristine, Thank you so much for reading my post and for your kind words. I appreciate you and your belief in me very very much!
Love ya too, I feel so blessed!
Rita, you are such an inspiration. This was perfect❤❤❤❤
Thank you so so much Cathy! I know you get it as you put yourself out there running a business. Your support is appreciated more than you know!
Rita,
I believe opening your heart to those close to you is important to both you and them. God leads each of us on a journey he has hand picked for his good. Although it is important to have the love and support of those we value, listening to our Lord and Savior is the most important and often the most difficult. Continue to have faith and to trust his plan for you. God Bless!
Thank you for sharing.
Jamie, thank you so much for reading my post! It means so much to me. You are so right, it’s important to have the support of loved ones but doing what we know God wants for us is absolutely number one.
Thanks for sharing! You’re going to have me thinking about this all day. (And probably more days) 😊 God helps us through SO much! I just subscribed to your blog because I don’t want to miss anything! Thanks for being brave! 💪🏽 I think this will help a lot who read it and it’s good it helped you to write it.
Yolonda, thank you so much for, reading my post, your support and kind words. I’m so happy to have connected with you! It’s interesting the things that I write because they are on my heart often find a home with someone who needs the message as well, which is the best feeling in the world!